Movin' On up!!!!
Apr 23, 2020
I want to start off by saying how grateful I am. God has blessed me in so many ways even while I’m grieving. I may have some bad days but even during those times his presences is always felt. You know how they say when someone passes away you’ve gained a guardian angel? When I tell y’all Shyril is up there WORKING!!!!! I’m sure she’s in heaven asking God to take care of me first. I was in the process of looking for a new apartment and then of course here comes the RONA messing up everything! Slowing the world up, just getting on my nerves. On top of COVID-19 getting in my way ANXIETY felt the need to show up. I was so worried and stressing myself out I literally made myself sick. Everyone kept telling me “Jaz don’t worry you’ll find a place” but I was on a time crunch! The very few places that I was able to tour were nice, but I just couldn’t get myself to apply it just didn’t feel right! My spirit just wouldn’t allow it. I cried EVERYDAY! Like the kind of crying that puts you to sleep. Sometimes God will give you a vision and you don’t know how you’ll get there, you just have to be ready when he says GO! So here I am ready! Everything is lined up but I’m stuck. I started to question if I had missed the opportunity. Maybe I misheard? I had friends and family sending me apartment listings on a daily and it honestly made things worse. So not only was I worried that I may have missed my opportunity, but I also have people watching my next move. I often get told that I have a wall up and they’re absolutely right, it’s for protection. If you let people know what you’re doing and it doesn’t work out you have to explain yourself and all that extra stuff. So anyway, I was sitting on my bed one day crying because I just didn’t know what I was going to do. I heard God tell me to apply to a complex that I had toured a few months prior when moving was only a thought. I got on my computer and applied for the apartment. That night I remember talking to “Sir” and telling him that my spot was going to be called “The Nap House” and anyone who came over could take a nap. I also told him that when I moved everyone would be greeted with “The Jeffersons” theme song “Movin on Up” he joked and said he wouldn’t come in if I did that. I told myself that every morning I would play that song until I got my place. Well I didn’t get a chance to play the song because the next morning I had woken up to a phone call from the property asking me when I would like to move in? It took me a minute to realize what she was talking about because I had completely forgotten that I had applied the night before. I spoke to the lady and we discussed a move-in date and I hung up the phone. I sat on my bed and it took a minute to process what had just happened………Back to this anxiety thing, is it possible to have faith and still be anxious? I’m not sure and maybe someone can help me understand it. Once you pray about it, you’re supposed to give it to God and thank him in advance. The crazy thing is I received my blessing and thought it was a mistake! I prayed and prayed about it and when God gave it to me, I second guessed it! I thought they may have made a mistake; I was just waiting for them to call and tell me “never mind”. It was nothing but the trick of the enemy! Only he would have me thinking that what God had for me wasn’t for me. Thank God for my prayer corner, once I got down and prayed that day all the negative thinking was blocked out in that moment of prayer. I had to pray for God to take the spirit of anxiety and fear away from me. Not only did I get what I had prayed for, but it was effortless! It’s not like I got approved and had to figure out how I would pay for a deposit, I didn’t have to wait a few days to see if I got it…….THEY CALLED ME!!!! That right there is enough to shout about. This is my first time living alone. I have always shared places with my family and eventually moved out and gotten roommates. The thought of being by myself is terrifying, I started coming up with scenarios in my head that could possibly happen but at the end of the day God didn’t give me the spirit of fear and I had to talk to it and tell it to get off me! Looking back in life there are plenty of opportunities that I didn’t take because I was too afraid. One thing is for sure it will not have power over me in my Nap House! God is preparing me for something greater. I have to be bold and get my GODFIDENCE up! I’m not worried about a thing! Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
The days that I’m unsure I will go back to that scripture and remember Gods promises. When the enemy gets into your head you have to fight him with the word of God. It’s easier said than done but I will make a conscious effort to practice it because I refuse to go half-crazy where I lay my head at night. God put me in this position so that I can seek him and only him. Not go next door and ask my friend if she thinks I’m crazy for XY&Z………I’m thankful that my mother had things in order so that her children would be ok financially. When I got the news that I was moving I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t want to talk about it. It was bittersweet, I was happy that I got approved but a sadness came over me because Mom’s not here. I know she would’ve been so proud of me. My mom loved buying people gifts; she couldn’t keep a secret she loved blessing others. I can just hear my mom saying, “Come on Jazzy-Boo, let’s go to Walmart!” I know she’s with me and I’m constantly reminded of it. The day I got approved I took a nap and I dreamt about her. I got to tell her that I was moving, and she said, “very good” and she just had a smirk on her face, she probably approved me herself. I’m so glad she comes and visits me in my dreams. When I see her, she just looks so peaceful, in the dream I kept saying “Ma, it’s so good to hear your voice”……….. If you’ve ever lost someone, I encourage you to ask God to allow them to come to you. There’s is no better feeling than knowing and seeing that your loved one is ok. Seeing my mother cancer free is indescribable, and I’m so glad God took her when he did. I know we’ve lost a lot of people recently due to the corona virus and this may be cliché but they really are in a better place. Just think of all the things they had to go through, no more. When you’re hurting because you miss someone, pray about it. This is the time where we need to lean on him more than ever. Ask him what his plans are for you and start working on them. I will be faithful over my Nap House and I won’t allow anxiety and fear take over me. I will honor God and my mother by taking care of my Nap House. I think I may make a “Big Pot Of Spaghetti” just because that’s what she used to always want to eat…… Please keep me in your prayers while I enter this new chapter.......... Remember "Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning" -Psalm 30;5
