Just Give Yourself A Little Bit Of Time........
Jun 17, 2020
I can’t speak for anyone else but from my own experience, I do feel like with time it has gotten easier to make it through the days. The pain is still there but I’ve learned to live with it and allow myself to feel the emotions, I also try not to have a pity party. That doesn’t mean I don’t get sad or cry but when I catch myself going into a deep depression, I think about what my mom would want me to do. I had a collage of my mom hanging up in my apartment and I had to take it down because it was too hard to look at it all day. I put it in my prayer closet and when I pray, I feel like I’m praying with her. One night when I went to pray, I started talking to mom. This was the first time since she passed away that I sat down and actually “talked” to her. I looked at her pictures and I began to cry. I told her that I missed her. Just hearing myself say that and realizing she’s never coming back hit me like a ton of bricks. That night my mom visited me in my dreams, I asked if she came because she heard me crying. She looked at me funny and said, “Girl No! we don’t see any of that in heaven, there’s no sadness remember?” I remember thinking in my dream “Wow they really weren’t lying about that part!” My mom started walking around, opening my cabinets, looking through my things……Just being her I guess…..I asked if she liked my apartment and she said, “It’s alright, you need to start cooking more and save some money”. If you knew my mother, she was always telling people “You better save your money” but couldn’t save a dime if her life depended on it! She grabbed my broom and started sweeping my kitchen floors. She told me she came by to tell me that “God said everything will be ok”. A peace came over me at that moment and I knew God sent her because he knew I would listen. It was a wonderful dream and it seemed so real. I asked about family members who passed away and she just called their names and they were all in my apartment! Before she left, she gave me a hug, I squeezed my mother so tight! I didn’t want to let her go but I knew I had to. I thank God for still being able to see my mother’s face and have conversations with her. Sometimes I dream about my mom and wake up thinking she’s still here, those are the worst. But the ones that I have where she talks about heaven is what I look forward to the most. That reassured me that not only is she ok but so are my loved ones who have passed before her……Father’s Day is coming up and I would like to wish all the great fathers a Happy Father’s Day! I also want to keep my family and friends lifted who no longer have their dads with them. Four days before my mother passed away my Uncle John gained his wings. The day he passed away my mother asked about him and I believe he stopped by to see her. My Uncle John was loved by so many and his laugh was contagious. You literally could hear him laughing in the other room and start laughing for no reason. Please keep my Aunt Debbie and her children in your prayers. This will be their first Father’s Day without him. Our family has been through a lot but Psalm 34:18 says:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18
So, I know he’ll bring us all through. 2020 hasn’t been what any of us expected it to be but one thing that I’ve learned is that after a storm comes a harvest! Just a reminder God chose YOU! That means even though things may not be going your way he can still use you. Let’s walk into our purpose together and make the ones we’ve lost proud. I don’t always know what to say. I often don’t know what to do or where to go when it comes to this platform. I started this blog to honor my mother. I wanted to help people heal and come together as a community. I remember I couldn’t sleep for days and God gave me a vision for this blog. As soon as the site was up, I was able to rest. I find myself restless again! It’s a heavy weight because I understand a lot of people read my stories and I don’t want to put out the wrong message. I know God has something greater for me and I know that my mother will continue to live through me and the people who loved her the most. Keep “Shyril’s Girl” in your prayers as well…………
