Refuge In "The Dark Place"

  I found myself curled up in the fetal position a few weeks ago, sobbing. I was sobbing because life has been life-ing and the people who I would confide in are no longer here physically. I miss my mother, my sister Krystal, & twin sister Kendra so much. No word in the English language could describe how much I miss them. They were three women who played a very significant role in my life and gave me the fight I needed to survive. While I lay curled up on the floor, I found myself in what I like to call “The Dark Place.” When your chest starts to hurt, and the reality of what you’re going through feels like punches to the gut, you have reached “The Dark Place.” It’s a place where the emotional pain started to turn physical; there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes this tunnel feels like I am deep in the pits of HELL. Grief can be very dark at times, and the thing about “The Dark Place” is that you never know how long you’ll be there or when you’ll see the light again. I continued to cry in the fetal position until I no longer had the strength to shed another tear. The pain eventually subsided, and I thanked God for making it through another episode. Some days are better than others, but grief is like an old injury; once something triggers it, you’ll feel it in every move you make. The Bible says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:” I am the more brokenhearted and crushed in spirit than I have EVER been in my life, so I know that he is with me especially when I’m in “The Dark Place.”

  Because God’s hand is on me, I have found refuge in “The Dark Place.” I work in School Health, and sometimes, we must call 911 to help a staff member or a student. A few weeks ago, we needed EMS to come. When they walked in, I immediately froze because I recognized one of the team members being there when I had to make the call for Kendra the day that she passed away. I held it together until the issue was resolved, and I went into the bathroom and started to cry. I knew that I had to “shake it off” because I was working at the time, but it was at that moment that I found a new appreciation for “The Dark Place.” That was the first time that if I could, I would voluntarily go, and while it can be uncomfortable and often painful, I always come out of “The Dark Place” feeling better than I did when I entered it.

    I attended a women’s empowerment conference at Community of Hope AME church over the weekend, the theme of which was “Her Power Unleashed!” While participating in the conference, I fully expected to discover and unleash a power within me. I was given the opportunity to share my testimony, and while I was sharing, I understood that it was grief that has and will continue to unleash a power within me. It is because of my experiences with grief that I have developed a new appreciation for life and a desire to fight whatever generational curses or demonic attacks that may be in my bloodline. I have always been the “I won’t start it, but I will finish it” type of person. My back has been against the wall too many times spiritually, but God has kept me, and I have the victory. All I have to do is show up to the fight, and I’ll get the win.

Thank you all for your continued support. Please keep me and my family in your prayers, and I will do the same for you and yours.

 “and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor”.-Isaiah 61:3